There’s a quiet pressure that lives in all of us, the need to be liked. To be accepted. To be applauded. It shows up in our conversations, in our social media posts, and in the quiet disappointment we feel when we’re overlooked. In our fear of rejection, we start to shape our lives around what others expect instead of who God calls us to be.
A modern book called The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga hits at this fear head on. Though it’s grounded in psychology, its central idea echoes a deeper spiritual truth: freedom begins when we stop living for the applause of others and start living for the purposes of God.
You Are Not Your Past
The book begins by challenging a common belief: that our past defines us. Childhood wounds, failures, and the labels that we carry like baggage we didn’t pack but can’t seem to put down.
“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17
We are not slaves to our past. In Christ, our story doesn’t have to be rewritten, it can be resurrected.
Stop Chasing Approval
Adlerian psychology teaches that many of our problems are rooted in our desire to be recognised. The need to be seen, liked, validated.
But Jesus warned us not to build our lives on public praise.
“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people to be seen by them… your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” Matthew 6:1–4
Living for God’s approval often means being misunderstood by people.
And that takes courage.
The Separation of Tasks
In the book, there’s a concept called “separation of tasks.” It’s the idea that we are only responsible for our own choices, not for how others feel or respond.
“Each one should test their own actions… for each one should carry their own load.” Galatians 6:4–5
We are not called to carry the emotional weight of everyone’s expectations. We’re called to walk faithfully in what God has assigned to us.
Happiness Is Found in Serving
The book defines happiness as “feeling you are of use to someone.” That’s not far off from Jesus’ teaching:
“Whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant.” – Matthew 20:26
True joy doesn’t come from status, likes, or applause.
It comes from purposefully serving, even in obscurity.
Reflection
Living a Christlike life takes more than good intentions, it takes courage. Courage to say:
- I’m not my past.
- I won’t be ruled by the opinions of others.
- I’ll carry what’s mine to carry, and no more.
- I’ll serve even when it’s unseen.
Because ultimately, it’s not about being liked.
It’s about being faithful.
Scripture for Further Reading
- Galatians 1:10
- Matthew 6:1–4
- 2 Corinthians 5:17
- Philippians 2:3–4
- Colossians 3:23–24
